Happy New Year!
by mesmerion on Jan.02, 2012, under Ramblings
Yep it’s here; after a few weeks of autistic silence the words start flowing again. And I reached 2012. 46 more years lie ahead of me. Akward but challenging. Each year with less turbulence and more controll by less controlling. You know it has something to do with the flow of life.
Cyto will still be around coaching me through the last load of kilo’s. This weight loss challenge is on. And in my mind unfold Salsa, Flamengo and other delicious moves. Which reminds me of Britney Spears, who was a little past her due date on stage…Obviously having difficulty with her moves after rehab. Well I can’t say much about that because recovering is a lot like rehab; sucks too.
23:35 a good time to switch to my gossip diary and get some sleep…
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Oxytocin
by mesmerion on Nov.06, 2011, under Ramblings
Lastr FridayI saw this TED talk about a moral hormone or the bonding hormone Oxytocin. The first article about Oxytocin linked it with baby bonding responses and with young children with deficiencies of it. They have trouble bonding in later life.
As I am now roughly focussing on animal (my dog Cyto in particular) influence on the mental rehabilitation process. Getting cancer and a disfunctional body has had a huge impact on my mental health. A lot of traumatic experiences surfaced again. Even though I had them mentslly boxed.
Cyto is already proven to be a golden intervention. The disconnectedness with my innerself started healing after one day. It took us one day to trust and read each other energies. And I assume that Oxytocin is flowing naturally again in my body. Even so adrenaline. Life tempo got a boost and the flu and headache set of mild but chronically. The process of healing is rather slow. 30 seconds running a day is not anything near marathon training. But as I call it a microthon training; these 30 seconds make me feel alive.
Cyto costs money. His contribution to my health is however significant:
- mental energy improved
- physical energy is challenged
- more adrenaline, oxytocin
- less cortisol
- tight rhythm in daily schedule
- improved task handling
- easier relaxation
- improved muscle toning
And time is up. Cyto is a handfull and I have to get up. He’s stealing my daughter’s brah…he is already jumping high 
Dogtherapy
by mesmerion on Nov.03, 2011, under Ramblings
So I am finally in bed. Cyto and I have done a lot. After last night poop festival (yelping and poop in the bench) I tried a different approach. ‘Terror Cyto’ had to cool down in the bench after a serie of couch chewing events. In that way he could gently get used to being in the bench and associate it with sleep.
Second strategy when Terror Cyto was jumping on and of the couch – a good run outside. For me a good exercise to get comfy being outside and to lose the prison feeling. Prison break is most of the time a mental escape from extreme imprinted bad feelings, emotions of events.
With Cyto being so young we get the time to work our way up together. Both have to work on strength, endurance and walking. Reading the dog’s behavior is a good exercise for me, as interpretation comes from observing. My seagull project is back in the fridge; as I have no time now to start bird watching. I need some topics in order to test the analytic software that I am testing.
Well all this having said; this is the first night he went to the bench without yelping. And so it will be a good time to go and sleep too. My body feels like a truck drove over me and all that because I have been shopping too. A pair of boots and some pretty warm cloth….
Migraine Cyto
by mesmerion on Nov.01, 2011, under Uncategorized
Cyto’s bench arrived just in time. He already had some test sleeps in the bench. After five days I came down with a small flu and migraine. So my daily meals dropped to just one a day. It will help me to be strict in Cyto’s training. Even when I feel bad, he needs to be gentle enough to be around me. That will be the ultimate goal for me. But now first things first. Sleep, sleep, sleep; only sleep is vital now. (continue reading…)
Triple A effect
by mesmerion on Oct.30, 2011, under Uncategorized
The best status if your good for your money. Although I can stash my money in my bra (they look bigger that way duh), my boobs are just months away from becoming their triple A status. Walk training is like Ceasar Milan says: exercise, discipline and affection. That simply means get up every day, tune your mind to walking, fight the headache and nausea and last but not least love your salads.
Getting the weight down is all that matters. Dance lighter, play more and have fun. The mind bends with the triple A. It learns to love moving, learns to appreciate the body parts, learns to believe again. No heart oddities, no extreme pain in the legs, no restless legs, but a faint notion of freedom. The louring depth of a New York Marathon. Running 30 seconds is just living that dream. And no C status can cause that, because that’s all in the triple A effect. My cash is stashed in my booty, the right and only one rich instant energy source. Do you believe that? Yes you can!
Cyto
by mesmerion on Oct.29, 2011, under Uncategorized
It’s in the middle of the night and I like to introduce to you Cyto. A Labrador Retriever. 8 weeks and my new challenge. 01:26 hours and he did a pee on yesterdays newspaper. This one of those cases you are ‘pregnant’ with a surprise and you find out about it all two days before due date. So the kids had taken me by surprise and blew his arrival date on Thursday with a lot of pre chuckling fun.
Anyway in case of you wondering about his name; I named him after the medicine that provides me with an immediate T3 shot. Cytomel has been the part of the treatment that allows me to feel occasionally the old me and so I hope to provide me with new readily available renewable energy.
Cyto (pronounce ‘sito’) has been bombarded to my personal trainer. Already he is bonding the family together. A great peace maker with a witty cunning attitude. So I bought him a clicker, what supposed to be the ultimte training equipment.
For me he is one missing link and he is already helping me to kerp the stress levels down. After each small walk I have managed to lower these incredible tensions in my body. A better medicine is not available.
Awakenings
by mesmerion on Sep.22, 2011, under Ramblings
Having no thyroid gives you valuable information about, the mind, body and rhythms. Going to bed means the sleep flies away, followed by a not so much healthy sleep. But at least it is something. Than soon after that the awakening begings. Thoughts come into being and my mind searches for problems to think about. Fresh new insights bubble up as new narratives. The first awakening.
By the time it is round two o’clock there’s nothing I can do than simply wake up. Do whatever is productive, like answering e-mail and comment on emerging thoughts of others. It’s the quickest way to tire off my brains. I pick tough topics, like physics, psychology, behavior or whatever is interesting. New concepts to chew on, following the foodsteps or thoughtsteps of people like Darwin. And it helps wonderful. Brain activity is 20% of metabolic energy consumption. The one thing that hindered me after surgery is now in small amounts a cure for insomnia. No pills, but direction of thoughts it self.
The second awakening was 20 minutes ago. Heavy curtains of sleep are pulled from my being. The sun already up and running. I remember my nightly activities. The survivor hero I was. Having walked the Northern Waters route and drinking combucha carrot juice. Small but significant milestones. They mark the down of a new me or as I have lately learned. Writings ones new narratives is vital to recover from significant turbulence in the projection of the individual or his/her life. Feeling normal is re-writing the feedback loop of experiences. From a marathon runner to an awesome walker. From a long narrator to a micro blogger. At the end I can say I have done it all, not been hindered to a monkey play. That is doing the same trick over and over again, because someone thinks it’s handy. As a generalist I became an expert in the theory of everything, something so simple as called ‘life’.
Komboucha
by mesmerion on Sep.17, 2011, under Uncategorized
The drink was a little overdue; not that that much mattered. A pee pilz will not spark my brains anyway! I haven’t been able to get them wrapped around the smell. First of all my mind says no tea and second certainly not microbal pee or whatever.
So my survivor woman kit has not been opened. The brewing process is fun and intruiging; however it doesn’t make this fungi more attractive. I’ve seen Japanese drink their own pee with benifits, lol, but actually I think one’s own tastes better. Ofcourse talking like this won’t get me passed this problem….pff I’m just too chicken to try again. Even though I know that hippies had no problem drinking it. But then they were stoned anyway. That doesn’t count.
Meanwhile I got 1.5 ltr in the fridge. Just cooling waiting to be stirred. The funny thing is, mixed with juice it is quite drinkable….and it might solve my gut problems. As scientist at last come to understand that the gut is a brain in itself. I knew that it hardly fails to predict. Would two pair of brains make you smarter?
Hmmm
Doubt that
Backup
by mesmerion on Jul.30, 2011, under Ramblings
What do you do, when waking up in de morning? What is the first thing you normally do? For me this question is obvious. I check my smartphone duh! All my familly membrrs are either night owls or morning sleepers. So in order to not wake them up I write, blog and sometimes annoy the rest of the awoken world.
My virtual life needs as much backup as my real life (since I came down with CFS) of flesh and blood. Installing the Facebook for Blackberry update threw my phone and me in a tedious process of unrecognized device, spooky mailbox and uncaught exceptions. The latter often caused by my curious mind; by which I seem to push all my devices and software to their limits.
And guess what (now on my iPad = backup) I found this rather challenging and fun. Creating more artificial intelligence seems to spur my need to be even more brain comlex. To test whatever I can do. Downside is; I have to admit that; my virtual life depends more and more on backups. Even if we would have a solar storm all that could be blown away in an instance and this vulnerability is feld…..
Thus see my new journey or quest in life. Preserving oldfashion knowledge. Just to be able to survive in whatever situation may come. And this self doing, exploring kind of thing is incredible satisfying.
DJango and the Pink Python
by mesmerion on Jul.27, 2011, under Ramblings
This evening I saw a pink Python crawling in my mind. And that’s not weird at all. Some people gather Coca Cola cans or bottles other pile up their homes with garbage. Taking that into account I don’t feel weird about my hunger for knowledge. Call it an obsession, addiction what ever you like, but I caught this Django Python fever.
And pink it is. Sneaky crawling in my mind with a pink foggy cloud around it. I’m deep into my projects. Only listening to short term goals. Pursuing my dream this center of simple steps education.
Programming is not much more than marathon running. One glide at a time as the pink Python closes in on me.
More information; it will find its place in me. The mind is a universe itself. And now my universe contains a little more Django Python. A new beginning on my journey to geek world.
Sure enough Pink Python sounds really geeky…..kinky geeky that is.
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