Clouds have packed in my mind. I’ve been interested in the brains since childhood. My kids call me a ‘walking encyclopedia’. Some terrific name for my avatar. And something that refers to that native part of my blood that runs through my veins.
It’s my luck and cross to bear that I’m super sensitive. I used to say that my purpose on this earth is to absorb data. I don’t call it experience because what I do is expose myself to a huge stream of information.
The mind and thus the brain play a big part. I lived through the stage that I had to rebuild 80% of my knowledge again. I succeeded.
But the clouds are in my belly also; as a signal how my state of well being actually is. I used to have this mood weather report. A document for later; a silent witness that might speak one day for itself and show how important and vital some organs or hormones are. Life is never something you can take for granted. You never buy yourself a new body. Until this time we are locked in. Attached and wired to our bodies.
And so I needed to learn again, to walk longer, to bear more pain, learn to live with less pain, to adapt to the memory loss, sleep or not sleep (handling sleeping disorder), to trust my own body again because it gave distorted neurological signals or maybe even wrong signals.
Nightmares have been a part of me and even that can became familiar over a long time. It stretches and surrounds you – that is me- like a cloud. It is coded in every cell of the body and it’s like you never leave the state of survival. Never be without danger; never be without threat.