Finally after a three month silence I’m back into my writings. The writers block happens now and than. Even though it might have nothing to do with bipolar disorder; I like CEO-disease much better; I have these autistic times. Completely drawn inside.
At those times I’m absorbed or if you want obsessed with thoughts about a few topics. Even my dreams help solving problems or getting more insights of what has kept me busy. And in the early morning I cash; the results as in a clear vision. A clear instant picture in full color.
My diary plays a big part though. It helps me reconstruct the picture, the atmosphere of feelings. It makes any experience scalable; from micro to macro, from details to the whole picture.
Most people and science literature emphasis the ups and downs when speaking of bipolar disorders. But I found out that this is a very one sided view. I’m pretty much androgyn which means my thoughts are in balanced when you speak of the man/woman thing. I am as much beta as I am alfa. Whatever test I take my interest fluctuate around the center of gender. My mind can be highly analytical but also highly philosophic. And at times it is hard to switch between those two. Than I’m stuck in analytics and I can’t draw or paint; because in order to be creative I need to connect with my spiritual self. And the connection is sometimes simply lost.