Dawn shines carefully through the curtains. The moss green ethnic design filters the light and our sleeping room wakes up gently. An alarm bell without an alarming sound.

The beer that I tried last evening gave me another insomnia and therefore too much time to reminiscence about the past. War is never over; on the tv a traumatized soldier explains this. He got nightmares of Bosnia and other places. His choice of becoming a soldier invoked a chain reaction of occurrences.

My war doesn’t kill me. And yet I live it over and over again. I have my pictures taken multiple times. As a reaction of painful experiences it seems that I became anxious. My eyes avoid the camera lence and I’m easily scared. Evolution has trained my responses and the stress taught me how to do it in a split second.

I’m still alive and so I must have apparently chosen between death or life; and that means the latter has won. And therefore the conclusion must be that I became stronger. At least on the outside. And I am glad that my question that I asked my uncle “If you could make a wish, what would you wish for?” Didn’t gave me a question in return. He said to me….”Peace in myself” and I knew he was right. Very right indeed…

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and in the meantime fake it till you make it.

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