Lately I have had the opportunity to think about being a child and what that means in certain circumstances. My conclusion is that some advise people give and particular professionals in social work can be described as ‘social utopia’.

And utopia -I recently learned that- defines the state your not in by defining the state you want to have.

Anyway it always puzzles me how easily people assume that children don’t do things, don’t think that way and that they often are incapable of judgment. The thing is however so untrue and it often takes long observations to tell what is going on. The world of a child is slightly different. I can still remember the wonderful different state of mind. As if you could slip in and out two realities. I never forgot my childhood; it was the point where my curiosity was cultivated.

Adults assume children don’t have to chose between parents. This is in my humble or as you wish arrogant opinion a very shortsighted viewpoint. Why?….Because when you are adopted (as an example); you as a child have been forced to make a choice. You can not bond two parents. One far away and a new set of unknown parents.

That is how life is in reality. We teach our children from day one to be fair, to be honest and to adapt to the rules of society. However when it comes to difficult situations we get a little irrational. We tell a different story. These inconsequential signals often cause conflicts in children. Because they know what adults tell them to do is in conflict with general attitudes and behavior of people.

As a child I learned quickly that non verbal behavior is much more important. With the blink of an eye, body language can not hide what is really going on.

A child in an abusive environments knows what is right and wrong; but in the end it is taught the ‘correct’ social version. The one that hopefully saves him/her from more harm. And in normal situations from disapproval.

So my point is this. You can’t raise a child to be responsible and social and at the same time have it lie for you. Only because it is you, because you are the parent. It is like saying all that I’m telling you doesn’t apply to me; I am above the (family) law. Read that in multiple ways.

This attitude keeps children in the twilight zone. It is better they can approve or disapprove of certain behavior; because it opens up the possibility of true healing.

And as a child I made my choice between parents and I’ve always been brave enough to stand up for that choice. Motivated it and let it grow with my growing wisdom of the world. Changing it to reflect new insights. Therefore I often find myself in conflicts because when it comes to true feelings people turn to book literature in spite of turning to their own source within them.

Another example..

So as a child I refused to speak to Jesus and I directly turned to my God within. Because I found it silly to treat God as if he was a king of flesh and blood. I found it silly that a entity who knows everything about you; who loves you would not be directly accessible. No one until this day has been able to convince me of the opposite. I am a thinker. That is just what I am.

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